Tony.

Dead. Feet on the ground and my hands by my side. A piece of me was gone forever. My heart hurt and heavy sinking into my stomach. My insides churning. My palms sweating. A friend of mine had died. Unable to speak I found myself lost amongst a thousand thoughts spinning in my head. I could taste nothing but the fear of what was next, my mouth dry and my taste buds craving water. I couldn't eat. I couldn't drink. I couldn't cry.
28th July 2006. My best friend Tony died. I remember his smile, his shining intense eyes, I remember his touch, and his wonderful and memorable laugh. I remember how I loved him and still do. Almost summer time and the air filled with the smell of freshly cut grass, the city buildings tall and still. Time stopped when we were together. He used to hold my hand, and his grasp on mine seemed never ending.
"A rare sight to see Tony smile" people would say, and this was true. He didn't have things easy. He lost his mother, his father was aggressive,  no siblings to hide with, on anti-depressants and stuck in a dead end job. He had the world against him. He smiled when I was there. Tony had a certain poetic being about him and complimented the world around him but never once did I hear his tender voice compliment himself.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Hospital machines a familiar sound. My fourth trip to the hospital to see my friend lie still. Mutterings behind me, the doctors knew him well. An overdose they told me, a suicide attempt. I simply held his hand in mine, and whispered in his ear "I'll be back my darling, tomorrows morning I'll be here".
Then I could not cry.
I told him how I love him, how I need his special touch, how every second without him was simply far too much. Walking home together through the city streets. The buildings tall and still. The smell of freshly cut grass was gone. We said goodnight and parted. We went our separate ways. The streets I walked were quiet then. All I could think of was him.
Then I could not cry.
The weeks after the previous trip to the hospital seemed endless. Like time itself had stopped. His threats of suicide became more frequent; his poetic charm was lost amongst his words. Fowl words. He took up a filthy habit we call it drink and drugs. The boy I knew was distant forever lying still. An unbearable effect this had on me, thoughts spinning in my head.
We spent his last night talking, his constant threats a routine. I ignored them all. I told him how I love him, how I need his special touch, how every second without him is simply far too much. I told him he should sleep on it, he told me life's untrue. I plainly said "I love you." The land of dreams was calling. I couldn't stay awake. My eyelids slowly closing. I had given in.
I woke up late next morning, all was quiet and still. The technology that lay next to me shone bright. I'd received a text. Clocks ticking, minds spinning, Tony was okay! Heart lifted, eyes widening, Tony was okay! Clocks ticking, minds calming, Tony was okay! Text open, words exposed. Tony wasn't okay. I remember those words to this day. They read:
"Tess, Tony's gone. His threats were real. OMG you OK? Get back to me ASAP baby xxxxxxxxx Vix"
Then I could not cry.
Clocks ticking. Loudly. Mind spinning. Frantically. Heart sinking. Heavy. Eyes closing. Not real.
his funeral came so suddenly. His friends, no family surrounding me. I sat still and quiet. everything had always been, still and quiet. The people around me shed tears and said goodbye. I could not face him.
Even then I could not cry.
Next Monday morning I received some mail, the return address unknown.
"A note from your beloved" It read.
"Tess, were do I start with Tess. Your smile amazes me, your compliments uplift me. You're my princess. I'll always watch over you. I love you"
My trapped tears unleashed, falling harder than ever. Tony had said he loved me.

Demons
We all have demons. Dark, dark demons we bury so deep and try to hide. I hate my demons and my demons love me. They turn me into a creature I despise and I try and escape. But when I do I end up in a world full of gloom, anger and grief. My demons created this world. They attack me from all angles and leave me with battle scars to deep my mother couldn’t nurse me back to health. I feel uncomfortable and on edge. Who do I trust? Who do I love? Who can I show my demons to? I feel you whisper. I feel your eyes watching me, lurking in the darkness. I feel the cold atmosphere my demons created. I want rid of my demons. I want it to be like it was when we were younger. No change. No cares and no worries. I want it to be simple. I want to control the demons, not have the demons controlling me.



Show me a garden.
This is place of memories. Sad memories. Memories growing and nurturing what grows from the soil. A life is taken and helps produce another. A form of beauty. Cold and honest beauty we see in the nature that surrounds us. Someone who meant the world to me. Someone who is now the world. If I lay beneath your twisted branches and amongst your tangled roots will you love me back? Will you give me the warmth you used to but can’t anymore. I love you and miss you. You are the light in my darkness. I need your grace to read my needs. All that I am. All that I ever was is here in your perfect form. If I lay here beneath your twisted branches and amongst your tangled roots will you show me a garden bursting into life?

LIFE SIZE! This took me about a week, I wanted to use flat colours, because that's more my style of working, I used acrylics to paint it, and a stencil printed on acetate and cut out sections for a repetitive look. I didn't want a picture where I was just stood about looking ordinary, I wanted to make it more personal, this is a pose I do when I'm out with my friends so I thought I'd use it for my portrait.

 This is a facial portrait we were asked to do after our lifesized ones, we had to paint our backgrounds green and paint our faces onto a green background, loads of people on foundation questioned it as if they've never heard of this technique to help draw out better skin tones etc. I used oil paints, as they give a much more realistic finished product and are easier to work with for this kind of task, rather than a media such as acrylic. I cut out my image and stuck it on white paper as it looked messy before.

These are the BEST markers I have ever used! Utterly fab, I got them for christmas, they give such a flat colour! Really good for my Graphics work.

Typography - Graphics:
I loved this project, utterly loved it. We had to come up with our own font, but I got a bit carried away and did more than one.

Simple font, filled with lines + shadowing.

Dripped wax, alphabet on stems as flowers.

The first letter of a brand e.g Thorntons for "T", brand logos e.g Nike for "N"

Cats simplified and shaped (enlargement below), Geometric based.

Hearts, re-did the hearts (below) because on the other side I'd tried to do a font based on cross stitching which showed through and more calligraphy based.

Bands e.g Alice Cooper for "A", can you guess who they all are (below)? Sketchy line drawn based font

MONSTER FONT!

Three layers of cardboard graduating into smaller layers

"Shaven Sheep"